Meet Sephiroth! Seph is one of the most prolific authors in the Gundam Wing section. She's got well over 200 fics! How does she do it? Well, they're all really short. And formulaic. They all kinda boil down to "Duo gets raped, then tortured, then raped again, then gets pregnant, and then dies. And Releena gets bashed."

But don't let that minor detail discourage you from reading! Here are the best of the best of Seph's fics to start you out. The real cream of the crop:

A Panther/Duo Fic - Duo gets raped by a panther and gives birth to catgirls. No, I'm not making that up.

This fic has probably the best quote in all of fanfiction:



GENIUS!

Untitled Deathscythe/Duo Rapefic - Exactly what it says on the tin. Dont'cha just love Seph's convenient titles? The scientist program Deathscythe, Wing Zero, and Sandrock to tentacle rape their pilots and produce a hybrid child with them. It has a sequel, too.

Untitled Sad Fic - DEATH BY BUTTSEX. No really.



OOPS.

A Gundam in Love - Deathscythe can talk, Duo's pregnant again, and Releena gets snuffed. Need I say more?

Enjoy!

Aha, that's where the fic is from.

I think the one involving the severed artery showed up on Weepingcock. If not that, it was another bad yaoi fic.

(bold mine)

I... you know what? Nevermind.

Yeah, who needs Relena, Hilde, Catharine, Dorothy, Sally, Noin and Une? I mean, they were just kinda standing around doing nothing. It's not like they're canonical love interests or anything. Ok, one can debate the validity of Trowa/Quatre slash with some logic but for the rest, not so much. Also, the severed artery one and Duo's 'gotta bail' line, I remember seeing those on weepingcock while waiting for the boards to come back. Missed the Gundam tentacle action though and now I wish I'd never found out.


If only for the sake of my sanity, I'll point out that Deathscythe's only weapons are a shield with nasty sharp edges and the scythe, which is about the size of a telephone pole. I think getting poked with either of those would be fatal, even without the beams active.


Me and my big mouth... ok, Physics 101. These weapons are supposed to be concentrated plasma or somesuch. That's really really hot. If Duo's close enough to feel the heat, he's also close enough to be a crispy critter... which would spare him the agony of the tentacle rape so please go for it.


We really need a head-banging smiley. For crying out loud, the scythe haft is bigger around than he is!


Did that include a substance that grows an artificial womb to hold the child? Oh forget it, it's mpreg, logic is futile.


No

For some reason, Robot prostate exams never caught on.

Christ on a crutch.

Every time I forget this stuff existed, I get reminded of it again.

I think Gundam/Pilot fanfic follows me around. This makes me sad.

OH, SEPHIROTH. I only recently discovered her treasure trove of crap, but I remember someone reporting "A Gundm in Love" to badficsupport 4 years ago.



Don't forget he decides to become a prostitute after being raped!

Another favorite of mine is "The Worst Day of Their Lives". "OH NOES DUO'S DEAD oh wait it was just a dream OMG DUO I WUV U LET'S SEX".



THE ETERNAL CLASSIC!

Umm... America? We've got sushi. I've never eaten it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There are probably plenty of other countries (and space colonies, for that matter) where sushi isn't suspicious. Also, panthers don't just eat fish. The Florida panther (also known as mountain lion, puma, and cougar) eats deer, raccoons, and rabbits, and may not eat fish at all. Raccoons would be hard to get, but nobody's going to think you're OMG CREEPY if you buy a lot of venison. Black jaguars are also called panthers, and they eat frogs, small alligators, and turtles as well as fish. They also eat "forest animals varying in size from mice to deer." Venison again. The same website says that if they live near a farm they'll eat domestic animals. Hamburgers!
This paragraph brought to you by Googling "panther food" and "jaguar food" without the quotes.


This could mean anything that happened in the series, I guess, but I have a frightening suspicion that it's the story we were just told. The one of how Duo was violated by a panther's barbed cathood. Ick.
Also, LOL @ Duo saying "do you, girl?" to Shiva as though she were a dog.



Now, I've never bled to death, but isn't that the kind of thing you'd notice?

Yeah, I'll say. He'd feel blood running out his anus, and it'd get everywhere. But that's the beauty of Seph's fics: no logic required.

That reminds me...wasn't there some kind of short film on YouTube where a guy was running around, bleeding out the ass?

I love Gundam Wing, it's one of my fandoms and one of the first anime series that I watched/purchased. For that reason, I just don't think I can stomach reading ANY of those fics... I don't want to ruin my fond memories...